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HR Cool is a state of mind
18-06-2007
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By Jan Hills - HR with Guts
Differences of view or disagreements with clients are never easy to deal with. Being prepared for a potential disagreement is key to being able to handle the situation, but this preparation can be undone with nervousness and awkwardness.
Whatever situation, it's important to be relaxed and business-like and know how to prepare for the disagreement both physically and emotionally. But this is not always easy and knowing how to get into, and stay in, that state of mind requires particular skills. There are a number of key exercises that can be learnt and practiced to help you remain confident and calm during conflict, learn to spot potential disagreements before they happen and know how to deal with them if they do occur.
One such (fairly simple) technique is Mental Rehearsal. A technique that is well known and well used by sportsman, it involves imagining yourself succeeding or overcoming a difficult situation. Although there is the old adage 'practice makes perfect', research has found that by visualising the desired outcome, performance improves. For example, it is a closely held belief among golfers that their success and score for each game depends on how the golfer thinks. Jack Nicklaus has stated many times that he believes golf is 10% swing, 40% set up and, 50% mental preparation and research in this area seems to support his ideas. A study by Australian psychologist Alan Richardson (Research Quarterly) divided a team of basketball players into three groups. Over a period of twenty days Richardson asked the first group to practice shots everyday, and the second and third groups were asked to practice on only the first day of the experiment and the last. But members of the 3rd group were also asked to spend twenty minutes each day visualising themselves successfully taking the shot. At the end of the experiment Richardson measured the percentage improvement. The group that physically practiced daily improved 24%. The second group made no improvement. The third group, which had physically practiced no more than the second, improved by twenty-three percent, only 1% less than the first group!
Mental rehearsal is by no means confined to the sports industry and can be used very successfully in stressful situations where conflict or disagreement might arise. For example, if you are about to go into a difficult meeting with a client, mental rehearsal can help. Before the meeting, spend a few minutes mentally rehearsing possible exchanges between you and the client. Visualise yourself confidently answering any difficult questions that you think you might arise and imagine yourself acting in a professional and calm manner. By "rehearsing" the meeting beforehand, you will feel more prepared and confident during the meeting itself.
As well as learning how to deal with the mental and emotional aspects of disagreements in the workplace, many people do not realise the importance of thinking about how our physical state can affect how we react with disagreements in the workplace. How we hold our body, how we stand and our facial expressions all affect our mental state.
If you remember back to a particular time when you were feeling happy, this will often trigger a physical reaction - be it a smile or laugh. Memories can trigger the same physical reaction that you experienced the first time around. When in a conflict situation, people usually experience physical reactions, their shoulders will become tense, they might cross their arms, and their breathing becomes shallower. When later faced with a similar situation, the memory of past experiences can trigger the same physical reactions and this can put you in the same tense frame of mind. By spotting this physical pattern when you are tense or nervous, you can make the conscious decision to relax your shoulders, uncross your arms and breathe more deeply, making it easier to deal with the situation in a calm and relaxed way.
However, it is not always possible to spot potential disagreements before they happen, sometimes you will find yourself unprepared for a sudden conflict situation. The important thing when you find yourself in situations such as this is to recognise if you are in the best state of mind to deal with the circumstances and to give yourself the opportunity to take a moment to put yourself in a better frame of mind if you are not.
Changing your state of mind can be done with a few simple techniques; HR with Guts (www.hrwithguts.com), in partnership with Orion Partners, has developed workshops to help HR professionals to remain confident and calm during conflict. During these workshops we have found that many people find themselves reacting to situations where there is a difference of opinion in the same way - almost like the situation itself triggers an automatic response. Some people find that their temper might flare quickly or that they immediately close up and cannot speak confidently. We advise each person during the workshop to think of a small action that will allow them to very briefly break away from the conflict situation and so help put a halt to this automatic response.
This small action can be anything from taking a sip of water, to something as minimal as taking a deep breath and will give you a moment to clear your head and collect your thoughts. This simple technique can help to break any physical or mental patterns that have subconsciously developed when you are in a stressful or difficult situation. For example, if you find that when you are in a conflict situation it is difficult to hold on to your temper, something as simple as taking a sip of water could help to break the pattern that your mind and body usually follows in these situations.
As well as remembering how you felt mentally and physically during past stressful or difficult situations, a lot can be learnt from your actions too. By recognising times when you were successful in situations such as these, you can start to identify what contributed to that success. If you can think back to a time when you were confident and calm during a disagreement, try to think about what you did, how you behaved, how you felt, what skills you relied upon and what your beliefs about that situation were. In fact, although it might not be something that people give much thought to, a person's beliefs about a situation can have a large affect on how they react during a disagreement. If a person strongly believes that they are right, they are more likely to push harder, argue more strongly and enter into conflict, than if they thought that there was more than one possible solution and were therefore more open to different suggestions. Before going into a situation where there may be potential conflict, try to consider the other points of view. This does not mean that you should give up your own views, but by considering the other angles, it will help you to clarify your own views and make it easier to remain calm and clear when presenting them.
In summary: Work wouldn't be work without the occasional difference of opinion between colleagues. But when these disagreements are between you and your client they are all the more difficult to deal with. Preparation is a key factor in how successful you will be in these situations. Knowing your facts and the points of view you would like to make is important, but it is also important to make preparations for how you will feel physically and mentally. Mentally rehearsing that you will act in a confident, calm and professional manner will help you to do just that. And if you suddenly find yourself in a disagreement with a client, by using the simple techniques mentioned here, it will help you to get into the right state of mind to take part in the conversation with your client confidently and calmly.
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